Suicidal Tendencies in Children - A Perspective.

Taking my discussion, on this new challenge in our society, further, I thought it necessary to examine this phenomenon a little further. This development has its roots, amongst others, in the rapid change our society has undergone and how our lives have changed on the last two decades.

This period is most relevant as the children opting for suicide were born during this time.We may have made tremendous strides in making more money or ensuring a mobile phone for one out of every  two Indians, expanding economic opportunities or have improved our so-called "standards of living". However, in this race, we seem to achieved whatever at a very high cost. The moot question is whether, we as  a society have regressed.

It seems that the stakes have suddenly been upped and it appears that in this life's race, the winner takes it all.
Everybody loves winners and there is a certain glamour attached to these "success stories". Media also does it bit by highlighting crazy placement salaries of a few students from premier engineering and management institutes. All this raises expectations of both students and parents.

Whilst this is not the case in reality, we often fail to recognise that there is no free lunch  in life. Each one has to always pay a price and often that is not visible. It is good to aspire and work hard towards one goal and there is absolutely no harm in that. One does not plan to fail but what happens if  the student,  inspite of best  efforts, is unable to get through. It is at this stage emotional balance of both parents and their children is called into play.

That failure in an exam is not a measure of that child's worth should be understood and clearly communicated and demonstrated through thoughts, words and deeds. That failure is not the end of life and instead can be  a stepping stone for renewed efforts should be drilled in no uncertain terms.

Most students are not suicidal but it is impossible to predict who could be overwhelmed at any point of time and who would take steps towards the edge.

It is possible for a child to equip itself against the uncertainties of life and attain a semblance of emotional balance if their education process begins early - both at home and in school. This pre-supposes that our teachers have the right approach and training and parents have the maturity to be mentors, friends and of course de-stressed parents.


Is this expecting too much???  Can we achieve this state??? If yes, then what needs to be done??? Is this over simplification of the problem??? Do we understand the compulsions of those for whom good education is a passport to a better life away from their daily drudgery???

There are many unanswered questions. It is important that these are discussed in public domain and there is awareness. It may help someone.

Children Commiting Suicide - A New Challenge

All of a sudden newspapers are full of reports about children, mostly teens and young adults taking their own lives. I am not sure whether this was a regular occurance earlier and it is only now this is getting prominence, or this is a new problem which we as a society are facing.

The reasons for commiting suicide vary from the predictable to the bizzare. One has heard of teens taking their lives due to failure in exams, or rejection in love but suicide on grounds of loneliness, lack of preparation for exams, not being permitted to learn dancing...are certainly new and confounding. One suicide case certainly bordered on the bizzare. The child wanted to meet and be close to her deceased father.

Every loss of a young life is tragic and shatters the family involved. Life moves on and the family would eventually get on with their lives and time the great healer will fill these wounds. The question here is why does this happen?

Let me try and understand our existing circumstances and put things in perspective. I cannot claim deep understanding of teen affairs but I base my understanding on my observations of my daughters and their friends. I would ike to believe that this would be as contemporary as it gets.

I would believe that parents have a critical role to play. Grand-parents, cousins, uncles/ aunts and immediate  circle of relatives form an important protective and supportive circle around. Friends are an important  social support system. Apart from these teachers do also play an important role.

One clear advantage of having an active social network of relatives and friends is the emotional support that one can draw from them. A sharp rebuke or a scolding from a  teacher is eased by parents or friends. Hurt after a fight with a sibling can be balmed by a friend or relative and so on. The funny part is we draw on this well of comfort / support all the time but never realise it.

A teen yet to fully develop emotional balance gets the comfort and strength to face many such reverses of life. This "on-demand" availability of the "soft touch" so to say has helped many a teen (including us back then) in handling the various pains of growing up.

It is time we acknowledge that many children in our society do not have an adequate support system around them. This may be a result of many factors but modern life is certainly a big contributor. Let me try and present gaps that have developed in our lives and the dangers they pose.

I would like my blogger friends ti share their their thoughts on what they think about this new problem surfacing in our lives.

Universal and Timeless Wisdom - Is it relevant today or is it a waste of time?

My last blog featured a letter by Abraham Lincoln to his son’s teacher.

I had read this letter many years back as a student and was struck by its simplicity but did not think too much about it. It came back as a flash yesterday and formed the basis of my blog.

It was very interesting to examine how many of these universal and timeless human values form part of our education system. Further, do these values have any place in our children’s upbringing today?

Without trying to sound cynical or pessimistic, I thought how practical, worldly wise and competitive parents would have written such a letter today.

He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, all men are not true and therefore teach him also that it is a big bad world out there; that every Politician is selfish, and there is a dedicated leader... who is only dedicated to his own interests….. Teach him for every enemy there is a friend who is one because it is in his interest to be so,

Steer him away from envy, if you can, but teach him the secret of quietly laughing at others and showing him superior to others.

Let him learn early that it is easy to be a bully and easy to lick the softie good guys. Teach him, if you can, that books are a waste of time... as everything is available on Google and Wikipedia. But also give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and the flowers on a green hillside with an once a year trip to a nature park.

In school teach him it is far more honourable to cheat than fail...
Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, or steal other people’s ideas if he does not have his own even


STOP IT!!!!! I could not continue beyond this as it is getting too negative for my constitution.

Is this reality today? – Yes, sadly though.

Our current times are hurried and intensely competitive. Success at any cost seems to be the motto. Our entire emphasis seems to be on mass producing literates and not on education. I had discussed some of these points in my earlier blog The Mad Annual Ritual.

The, almost manic, need to perform, fetish for perfection, obsession for topping the class and high marks, expensive coaching, crammed schedules, pressure of expectations seem to sum up a child’s journey through their school days.

This is followed by similar excesses in colleges. You juggle with college lectures, coaching classes for multiple entrance exams for professional courses.

Where are we heading? What is all this pressure going to achieve? What is the impact of all this on innocent minds? Does this constant emphasis on achievement create dysfunctional adults later?

These and many similar questions go through my mind.

I have seen enough of life to realize that spectacular success in school – college academic life does not necessarily mean successful human beings. More often than not we get to see very uni-dimensional adults. Such adults normally have low emotional and spiritual quotients and face burn-outs at a young age. It is also not uncommon for many such stars staring at an engulfing emptiness by their mid – late thirties.

I do not claim that I have understood this complex development in our society nor do I pretend that I have the solutions.

However, a few personal observations as a parent

- Stop getting obsessed with marks and ranks. There is more to life than just numbers,

- Do not thrust your unfulfilled ambitions on your children. They are unique individuals and will have their own thoughts, ambitions, likes and dislikes….

- Encourage all round development beyond academics. Let them develop a taste for reading, the arts, music, sports etc.,

- Emphasize on certain eternal values like respect for elders, courtesy, kindness, need to share, need to help, personal discipline etc.,

- Spend both “quantity” and “quality” time with your children. Nothing can justify your absence when they need you most for they will not be there when the world has turned its back on you….(sounds idealistic…it is not. If we try hard enough, there is enough time available),


This is not some quick fix DIY manual, but suggestions distilled out of life. I am sure there can be endless ways in which each one can make this journey of being a parent very rich and fulfilling

The Mad Annual Ritual

Every year the months of March and April witness the great Indian phenomenon called Annual Examinations.

Infact, it will not be out of place to call it the Mad Annual Ritual. Millions of school and junior college students participate in this ritual with a prayer on their lips. I guess many of them would be praying only at exam times.

The whole scene borders on the bizzare with students cramming tons of information only to spill it out in those "eventful three hours" and then to forget it all as quickly. In this whole process one gets to see a whole range of activities, emotions, feelings tightly packed together.

The situation attains immense gravity with parents declaring their expectations. No prizes for guessing, every parent wants their child to excel and top the class. Noble intention but that is the root cause of all problems that tend to follow.

Stress levels skyrocket and often one’s self-esteem is measured by the success one will achieve at the examinations. This is a very heavy burden for any person to carry, leave alone a young student. More often than not there is bliss in surrendering and accepting a lower slot. Many succumb and resort to extreme steps.

When I see the annual ritual being so fanatically played out year after year, I wonder whether we are missing something in life. One has played out this ridiculous game for ten long years in school and in the end has learnt nothing. We have mass-produced literates but probably left them empty and ill prepared to face life.

I believe in academic rigour and the need for good education. I also have nothing against anyone wanting to excel but I think it is high time we do not get obsessed with marks and ranks.

Highest marks do not necessarily mean success (in the conventional sense) in later years. On the contrary one could be dysfunctional in many areas.

We as parents who have seen more of life need to take a practical view. Let us not try to drive our children to despair with our obsessions and queer their natural development. My wife and I on our part have played it cool with our daughters and helped them with their studies whenever they needed it. We have tried to emphasize on all round development and ingrain in them that they must enjoy whatever they do. The next thing was to keep conveying that we value them as human beings rather than the marks that they get.

I see this approach paying off in the long term and they blossoming into emotionally well-balanced human beings. They will carry with them sweet memories of their school and college days and have the satisfaction of having done well at academics also.

It is entirely incidental that both my daughters have consistently excelled at their studies.