Suicidal Tendencies in Children - A Perspective.

Taking my discussion, on this new challenge in our society, further, I thought it necessary to examine this phenomenon a little further. This development has its roots, amongst others, in the rapid change our society has undergone and how our lives have changed on the last two decades.

This period is most relevant as the children opting for suicide were born during this time.We may have made tremendous strides in making more money or ensuring a mobile phone for one out of every  two Indians, expanding economic opportunities or have improved our so-called "standards of living". However, in this race, we seem to achieved whatever at a very high cost. The moot question is whether, we as  a society have regressed.

It seems that the stakes have suddenly been upped and it appears that in this life's race, the winner takes it all.
Everybody loves winners and there is a certain glamour attached to these "success stories". Media also does it bit by highlighting crazy placement salaries of a few students from premier engineering and management institutes. All this raises expectations of both students and parents.

Whilst this is not the case in reality, we often fail to recognise that there is no free lunch  in life. Each one has to always pay a price and often that is not visible. It is good to aspire and work hard towards one goal and there is absolutely no harm in that. One does not plan to fail but what happens if  the student,  inspite of best  efforts, is unable to get through. It is at this stage emotional balance of both parents and their children is called into play.

That failure in an exam is not a measure of that child's worth should be understood and clearly communicated and demonstrated through thoughts, words and deeds. That failure is not the end of life and instead can be  a stepping stone for renewed efforts should be drilled in no uncertain terms.

Most students are not suicidal but it is impossible to predict who could be overwhelmed at any point of time and who would take steps towards the edge.

It is possible for a child to equip itself against the uncertainties of life and attain a semblance of emotional balance if their education process begins early - both at home and in school. This pre-supposes that our teachers have the right approach and training and parents have the maturity to be mentors, friends and of course de-stressed parents.


Is this expecting too much???  Can we achieve this state??? If yes, then what needs to be done??? Is this over simplification of the problem??? Do we understand the compulsions of those for whom good education is a passport to a better life away from their daily drudgery???

There are many unanswered questions. It is important that these are discussed in public domain and there is awareness. It may help someone.

Children Commiting Suicide - A New Challenge

All of a sudden newspapers are full of reports about children, mostly teens and young adults taking their own lives. I am not sure whether this was a regular occurance earlier and it is only now this is getting prominence, or this is a new problem which we as a society are facing.

The reasons for commiting suicide vary from the predictable to the bizzare. One has heard of teens taking their lives due to failure in exams, or rejection in love but suicide on grounds of loneliness, lack of preparation for exams, not being permitted to learn dancing...are certainly new and confounding. One suicide case certainly bordered on the bizzare. The child wanted to meet and be close to her deceased father.

Every loss of a young life is tragic and shatters the family involved. Life moves on and the family would eventually get on with their lives and time the great healer will fill these wounds. The question here is why does this happen?

Let me try and understand our existing circumstances and put things in perspective. I cannot claim deep understanding of teen affairs but I base my understanding on my observations of my daughters and their friends. I would ike to believe that this would be as contemporary as it gets.

I would believe that parents have a critical role to play. Grand-parents, cousins, uncles/ aunts and immediate  circle of relatives form an important protective and supportive circle around. Friends are an important  social support system. Apart from these teachers do also play an important role.

One clear advantage of having an active social network of relatives and friends is the emotional support that one can draw from them. A sharp rebuke or a scolding from a  teacher is eased by parents or friends. Hurt after a fight with a sibling can be balmed by a friend or relative and so on. The funny part is we draw on this well of comfort / support all the time but never realise it.

A teen yet to fully develop emotional balance gets the comfort and strength to face many such reverses of life. This "on-demand" availability of the "soft touch" so to say has helped many a teen (including us back then) in handling the various pains of growing up.

It is time we acknowledge that many children in our society do not have an adequate support system around them. This may be a result of many factors but modern life is certainly a big contributor. Let me try and present gaps that have developed in our lives and the dangers they pose.

I would like my blogger friends ti share their their thoughts on what they think about this new problem surfacing in our lives.

Violence - A Virulent Cancer in our Society

Many blogs have waxed eloquent during the Domestic Violence Awareness month. These posts have been written with a lot of feeling and treat this serious problem with a lot of sensitivity and objectivity.

Instances of domestic violence can be gory and one can empathise with the victims living through hell every day of their life.

Activism and retaliation is widely advocated as a means of regaining some sanity in life and a means to lead, hopefully, a normal life. The moot question here is how many would actually take the desperate step of moving out. It may seem so very logical for a distant bystander but does this hold true for the victim and thereby hangs a tale of all silent sufferers.

This phenomenon that has assumed gigantic proportions in our modern day society (not just Indian but I can say for many countries around the world). Psychological counselling is touted as one possible solution but in reality and unfortunately this has very negative connotations here. Further, this sort of help is not easily accessible and it does not come cheap either.

Domestic violence should not be seen only in a physical dimension. It can be mental torture and emotional violence too. Many a time a sense of terror pervades the atmosphere along with physical violence. Unfortunately, violence finds an outlet only against our near-n-dear ones and those weaker than us.

If we look around carefully, there is plenty of repressed violence in us. We seem to be "Highly Inflammable" and ignite at the slightest provocation. Just a small divert - Have you seen the road rage that boils over in the event of a minor collision or the savagery displayed following some minor altercation in a Mumbai local train. Those who give in to such outbursts are not always the "poor" or "lower strata" as we pompously would like to say. They seem economically prosperous, well educated and seemingly very normal. Many others would just bottle up and bang the person who opens the door in the evening.

This build-up in us is the result of so many frustrations that we face in daily life, the stress that we generate and absorb, the struggle to be successful, the battle to survive, the violence that we absorb from sources "stronger" than us sometime for long years of our life and in many cases from childhood, the problems of addictions and its negative impact on family relationships.

This may seem over-simplified (believe me this is not a justification) but the fact is we keep on accumulating garbage over the years till an outlet is found. Usually, this outlet is in the form of violence and abuse in the safe confines of our own homes.

So, what is the solution and how do we go about spreading it on? Is there a standardised answer? Will public shame or punishment help or only aggravate? ........there are so many questions and I am afraid not many have a straight answer.

This is just looking at the perpetrator of violence. It is scary to think about the victims. The unending mystery is why do these victims continue to absorb their daily dose of abuse? I shudder as I try to imagine their life but just cannot fathom their compulsions.

I always believe that our education has only made us literates and never has it taught us about life and how to handle its many ups and downs. We have low EQs and are emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.

Till we are at peace within ourselves, no amount of external help or social activism can help. Social activism may stop one type of incidents but give rise to far more dangerous alternatives. Anything that is achieved out of compulsion or fear could ricochet back with deadly effect.

So what do we do????.....

Swinging between Extremes

It has been an amazing month that has passed us and what strikes me is our tendency to embrace the extreme at every possible opportunity on every possible matter.

Let me list a few of these extremes:

Election results:

The results were a surprise to every one including those in the Congress Party. Anybody who claims that he had foreseen this would be lying.

- We went around town screaming about the decisive mandate. Decisive Mandate???? The government is in a precarious situation and depending on the support of a couple of allies.

- We shouted from the roof tops about the maturity of the Indian voter. Maturity???? The votes were divided as never before.

- An impressive showing in UP was touted as the master strategy of Rahul Gandhi and how he had arrived on the scene.

- The orchestrated chorus in which every one joined to plead with the PM to include RG in the cabinet
- That this was the demise of regional parties


Stock Market:

Post the election results, the stock market decided to join this celebration and achieved what no other stock exchange has achieved in the world. We saw exuberance in its wildest form as the indices hit, what is known in stock market parlance, the upper circuit and we saw a 30 - 40% jump in prices of almost every share. Some exceeded even this.

Nobody has been able to fathom what had changed between April and May. Economic indicators seem as buoyant or lacklustre as earlier. The clouds have vanished and investors feeling left out of this rally are furiously buying as if there is no tomorrow.

Our instant switch from irrational pessimism to exuberance has no explanations, but such extreme swings seem very normal.


Reservation Bill for Women:

This is classic. One section behaved as if this was manna from heaven and would have us believe that womenfolk was on the verge of deliverance. All the oppression, prejudice and age-old rigidities seemed to have vanished like clouds on a windy day. That this enabling platform would deliver us women confident of taking the bull by horns overnight.

The other extreme were the menfolk who felt threatened by this expected onslaught and were compelled to resort to theatrics.

Tokenism...zindabad!!! Tapping potential gene pool ...zindabad!!!


Sports:

Let us look at cricket. Mahendra Singh Dhoni was the perfect cool headed captain who could do no wrong. He was the best in the world and the T-20 world cup was as good as bagged.

What a fall from grace in just two weeks....I understand his effigy was burnt today and the media lampooned him for his "mistakes".


It is plain that none of the positions we took or none of our reactions were based in reality nor were they representing a sense of proportion.

Are we a nation of "extremists". I am amazed at our continued tendency to take extreme positions. We seem to have forgotten that there exists a middle path. Irrationality takes over and we react emotionally to all matters of social and national importance. There is then no hope for a proper debate.

Is it a trick to throw the real issues off-balance? or are we just hard wired in this fashion?

Either way, I note this characteristic with a sense of amusement and just wave it away. Should I also adopt the maxim - "If you can't convince them, confuse them" and add to the chaos. A tempting thought......I must say.

India Under Siege – Importance of Emotional Support

We have just come out of a mind numbing and terrifying experience. Our senses have been pounded by the relentless media coverage of an audacious attack on Mumbai.

We had a ring side view to the brutality of the attack and the swiftness and decisive ruthlessness of the response.

Our immediate reaction has been of shock and disbelief. This slowly gave way to anger at the system, anger at our own helplessness and inability to do anything, frustration that we have to put up with this sense of insecurity time and again.

The next stage that we are in, presently, is trying to find out who is responsible for this mess. In India, the natural reaction is to shift our sights and blame the politician. We also observe that many find refuge in being highly cynical.

If you observe closely, it is clear that we Mumbaikars are, at the current moment, on the edge and highly strung. We are all ready to blow-up at the slightest provocation. We are inclined to believe any rumour and all that is worst.

The Mumbaikar is traumatized and emotionally devastated.

There is an urgent need to re-orient ourselves. We have absorbed too much negativity and are jumping around like a cat on a hot tin roof.

We, in Mumbai, can be broadly divided into following categories:

- Who were trapped during these attacks and survived,

- Those of us who lost a friend or relative,

- All residents in the vicinity of the affected areas,

- The rest of us spread out – not directly affected.

There is an urgent need for a cathartic experience which will help every one relieve their pent-up emotions.

We rarely talk about the need for a healthy emotional balance. It is very important and more so in the present context. After all, we do no want to be a brutalized and de-sensitised city, presuming we have not already reached that stage.

I invite fellow bloggers to share their views and it would be nice to discuss some concrete suggestions.